How Porn Makes You Act Like a Bad Politician

This is the forth post in an ongoing series about how porn effects marriage.

What do you call 100 politicians at the bottom of the ocean? A good start.

Why do I scoff when I hear a politician say they are going to do something… and then laugh when I hear they are doing something completely different? I don’t trust them. I feel like they say one thing to get my vote, then as soon as they land a seat – they are more worried about keeping their job than worrying about keeping their promises.

Perhaps that’s a broad statement.  I am sure there are good politicians out there.  But the point is, I have a tough time trusting politicians because it seems they say one thing and do another.

Porn and Politicians

If you are one person with your wife, then run off to ‘take care of business’ with your imagination, you are acting like a different person, because you are imagining being with another person. You’re saying one thing (I love and care for my wife), but doing another (taking in and lusting after images of other women). That leads  to hiding, and covering your tracks.

Trust goes out the window when you are found out.

Married men who are involved in pornography feel less satisfied with their marital sexual relations and less emotionally attached to their wives. Women married to men with a pornography addiction report feelings of betrayal, mistrust, and anger. – Patrick Fagan, PhD The Effects Of Pornography On Individuals, Marriage, Family And Community

Security

One of the main things that women need in marriage is security. Many think ‘Money’ when it comes to feeling secure.  That’s partly true.  If you work hard to support your family financially, then your spouse may feel some security.

But, I think most woman would agree that they would rather have a husband that they can trust than a bigger house or newer car.   Trust is IMPORTANT.  A woman wants to feel like she knows that her husband is who he says he is and that he does what he says he will do (or doesn’t do what is says he won’t do).

Building Trust Again

When trust is broken, you can’t go buy more, it’s something that has to be earned back and it takes time. I know from first hand experience.

I had to take several steps to build back trust in my marriage.  Filters on Computers.  Going to meetings.  Meeting with other guys who struggle.  Lots of prayer.  And focus on day to day living.

All of those things are helpful in building trust back into your relationship.  But the last one is the most important.

You have to continue on the journey together everyday.  There are going to be days when she doesn’t trust you as much – and you have to have grace for your wife.  When you are the one with the issue, it’s easy to turn it around and begin to blame her when she doesn’t trust you.

But, you’re the one with the struggle. Not her.

If you have gone down the porn route, you can build the trust back. But it takes time and effort.

If you haven’t gone down the porn route, be thankful, and continue to remember that trust is a priceless thing.  Treat it that way.

I’m Stu Gray, and I approve this message.

Photo by BearmanCartoons

Tagged as: how porn impacts marriages, porn and marriage