This blog is about encouraging stupendous marriages. I believe one way to encourage, is to tell my story a bit more in depth. Hopefully, you will be able to be encouraged, or enlightened, about what porn can do in a marriage. I would say that one of the biggest struggles we have had in our marriage has been my struggle. Over the next couple weeks, I’ll be offering some of my thoughts about how porn affects a marriage.
I can only write about my experience with pornography – it might be something you can relate to, it might not. You might know someone who struggles, or you may not. You may feel differently than I do – or you may not.
A Pile of Magazines Under A Bed
My story with porn started when I was just around 12 years old. Like many boys – I had a friend down the street who’s dad had a pile of magazines hidden under the bed. If his Dad did, I figured mine did too.
I was right.
I found videos and magazines in the house, and was hooked. I became very skilled in returning things to just the right spot – or rewinding the tape to the exact same place.
My personal collection didn’t begin until I left for college, but it grew quickly. The first time I ventured into an adult book store, I was nervous. But, after the 5th time (and more), it became old hat. Magazines and videos started to accumulate, and I moved them from place to place. By the time I reached my mid 20′s, my porn collection was two black plastic milk crates full, and a duffel bag filled with videos.
Porn became such a part of my life that I told women that I was dating, that they had to deal with it, or they could leave. I was pretty selfish. I justified it as something I did, and enjoyed – it didn’t hurt anybody. I reasoned that I could have been an alcoholic or a drug addict, and I wasn’t, so it wasn’t that big of a deal.
First Attempt
After finding the woman I wanted to marry, and realizing that I wanted to change my habits with porn (you can read more of the story – What You Need to Know About the Marry Blogger), I made some drastic changes while living in New Orleans. I find it funny that in the city of Mardi Gras and flashing, I was trying to get women to put on their clothes. (in my head)
I felt terrific the morning I made my first attempt to ditch porn. I heaved the mags and videos into the big green dumpster in front of our house. As I watched the trash truck ease up to the house and toss that dumpster over the side, I felt free from the collection I had for so long.
My Enemy The Computer
Since I got rid of my collection, I was able to go for a while with no porn. Yet, there was this other way to look at porn that I had found, and I didn’t have to leave the house to get it. The computer was my enemy. My struggle with porn continued along a different avenue – the internet. Most of my time was spent looking for pictures of glassy-eyed females who weren’t on newsprint pages, they were on a computer screen.
After the decision to dump the mags and movies, the computer would be a problem –like walking on the beach when the tide is coming in, is a problem. You can see or feel the waves on your feet, and if you don’t get out of the way, you are going to be swept out in the ocean. But there were many days and months when the tide was low. I was able to ‘walk on the beach’ – and not go looking.
After spending lots of time hiding my history, deleting where I went on the internet and then having set up filters, it was time to get some help outside of me and my wife. I wanted to be better, and not have a constant battle.
I’m not perfect. I want to be better at honoring my wife. I want to focus on my marriage and have it be the best relationship it can be.
Join me the next couple weeks for this ongoing series, as I dive into a little bit more of my story, and why porn takes the life out of marriage. I want to look at how:
- Porn Robs Marriage of Exclusivity
- Porn Focuses on Parts – Not the Whole Person
- Porn Kills Trust
- Porn Kills Mystery and Modesty
- Porn Kills Sacredness
- Porn Kills Communication
- Porn Kills Freedom
Has pornography played a role in your marriage? What have been your experiences? – I would love to have your input along the way.
photo byPlastic Nico
