Do Your Thoughts Hold You Back?

The room was dark. The walls were blue. A strange color for a recital hall. I could see the heads of the people in the seats. I was so nervous, I couldn’t tell who they were, but some had glasses. The lights from the stage were reflecting off of them. The piano was black and grand. The keys were used, but still pristine ebony and ivory. I couldn’t have been more than eight.

I was to play the rag time piece I had memorized. I don’t remember its name, but I can tell you what the sheet music looked like. The cover was white and outlined by a yellow frame. The cartoon drawing in the middle was a one man band. He looked so happy in his straw hat, marching along with his big bow tie, carrying a big bass drum with cymbal, and squeeze box. His pants had stripes. I don’t know if playing this song was supposed to make me feel like this cartoon man, or if the crowd was to get up and march around like him. Neither happened.

I sat at the piano bench. Just not cushy enough so you didn’t feel the need to sit there long. I knew to place my fingers on the keys just so – like I had two oranges in each hand. The first chord came. Then the second.

Then nothing.

I blanked.

I played the first two chords again. The sweat popped out on my forehead. Those imaginary oranges in my hands must have been soaked, because I could feel all the creases and lines on my hands get wet with sweat.

From the back of the room I heard Mrs. Swisher’s airy voice say, “It’s all right Stuart. Just start again.”

Finally the music came, and I couldn’t get finished fast enough. It was the fastest ragtime piano piece in the history of that recital hall. I finished, stepped away from the piano, took a small bow, and slumped to my seat. I had forgotten my music.

I have been uncomfortable playing piano in public ever since. (Even writing this made my hands sweat.)

This is your Brain

Isn’t the brain amazing and incredibly tricky? It also ticks me off a bit.

This piano recital happened years ago – it now just exists as a THOUGHT. Yet, it still holds me back.

It’s over and gone, still, I keep it alive—and it has guided my piano performances ever since. (Surprisingly, I am completely fine performing on stage in front of people – I have a degree in theatre. But ask me to play a tune on the keys and my mouth dries up.)

Out Thoughts Inhibit or Inspire

What negative thought are you nursing that has kept you from performing well in your marriage? The first night of your marriage? The first time you tried to cook and burned every part of the meal? The money you spent that caused you to go broke?

All those things may have happened. Guess what – they now exist as thoughts in your mind. Yes – You have to live with the consequences, but you don’t have to let the thought stifle every choice you make from now on.

Moving On

Another room. This one a living room. Our pastors’ house. We have no worship leader that night for our youth meeting. I have prepared a couple songs. (Thankfully I didn’t have to memorize them!) Guess what – I made it through them, and I didn’t die.

You can get past your hangups and thoughts. Don’t let the thoughts that you keep alive, keep you from everything God might have for you in your marriage.

photo by desdibuix-miquel

Tagged as: Thinking