You’ve lost that lovin’ feeling? The passion and zest you once had? I’d like to offer you 6 ways to kick boredom out of the marriage bedroom (and every other room)!
6 Cures for Boredom in Marriage:
1. Curiosity
The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity. ~Dorothy Parker
My 4 year old son can go play in the dirt and never get bored. He sits right on the edge where the pavement meets the grass. Rocks, dirt and a little boy. He asks me to come look at something he has found. A bug, A rock, A hole. He is surveying the ground and interested in what he sees.
Your spouse might not be full of rocks or covered in dirt (unless that’s your thing). But seriously: Have you stopped being curious of your spouse? Do you think you know them inside and out?
I looked up the origin of the word ‘Curious’:
“from curiosus “careful, diligent, curious,” akin to cura “care.”
We are to be diligent. Giving our marriages constant effort. Being attentive to our spouse, and persistent in our curiosity. Pay attention to little things. Notice moods. Then we need to ask questions – not judge – about what they are feeling or experiencing.
Many times when I jump to conclusions about my beautiful wife™ – I think she’ll zig- she ends up zagging. When I think I have all the answers about her and no questions… I know I’m in trouble.
Marriage Boredom Cure: Stay Curious About Your Spouse.
2. Mystery
Uncertainty and mystery are energies of life. Don’t let them scare you unduly, for they keep boredom at bay and spark creativity. ~R.I. Fitzhenry
Do you tease?
Do you flirt?
Do you build anticipation in your marriage?
Do you change things up – or play hard to get sometimes?
I think women have the advantage here. We guys can be pretty surface and shallow. But women are complex and mysterious.
How would you bring mystery into your marriage? Don’t let him see you completely in the buff. In Kosher Sex, by Rabbi Shmuley Boteach (amazon link) talks of not always being available… don’t always pick up the phone…not to be mean or spiteful, but to give a sense of being just out of reach.
Even after we are married, we still love the thrill of the chase.
Marriage Boredom Cure: Keep a Little Mystery in Your Marriage.
3. Creativity
Do you have a creative marriage?
Yes, its difficult.
Yes, it takes work.
But you can do it.
No excuses. We are all creative at some level.
Picnics in the park, walks in the neighborhood, renting a room for a couple hours.
Doing the laundry, making the bed, taking care of the kids and letting her sleep.
Marriage Boredom Cure: Invite Creativity in.
4. Fascination
Boredom is just the reverse side of fascination: both depend on being outside rather than inside a situation, and one leads to the other. ~Susan Sontag
After looking at the big colorful menu on the wall in the restaurant tonight, my beautiful wife™ says ‘The fried dill pickles sound really good.’ I say ‘I had that thought too!’
Most of the time, we are on two different wavelengths. But it always amazes me when we ‘gel’ with no prior planning. I didn’t even know she liked fried pickles.
Like curiosity above, if you lose the fascination, or believe that there is nothing left to learn about your spouse, boredom sets in.
My beautiful wife™ is fascinating. There are things about her that I don’t know, and might NEVER know. But it is my job to find out, to figure out and to ask questions.
I need to be a student of my spouse.
Marriage Boredom Cure: Are you fascinated with your spouse? If not -well – you get the drift.
5. Create Beauty
Nobody is bored when he is trying to make something that is beautiful or to discover something that is true. ~W.R. Inge
God wasn’t done creating the world on the seventh day. He gave the first human some jobs to do, like governing, multiplying (Woo Hoo!), working, keeping order.
A great point that I learned from author Rob Bell, is that when God started creating, the world was Chaos.
As He created, every piece added order to the world.
After the seventh day, God gave people the opportunity to keep creating, to keep moving the story forward to order and beauty, away from chaos.
Together as husband and wife – we can make positive changes in the world. We can achieve the dreams we had when we were dating, we can do those things if we get off our butts and ditch the tv.
Do we bring light and beauty to our marriage, or do we just suck life out and make it more chaotic? If you have to have chaos in your life – have you ever thought what you might be robbing from your spouse?
Marriage Boredom Cure: Create Something Beautiful In Your Marriage
6. Grasp Opportunities
Grasp your opportunities, no matter how poor your health; nothing is worse for your health than boredom. ~Mignon McLaughlin
Opportunities to talk.
To listen.
To share moments.
To enjoy life.
To laugh.
To appreciate.
To smile.
To grow (if you don’t continue to grow, you get stale. Stale = Boring)
What have I missed?
How else do we banish boredom from our marriages – please leave a comment below and join the conversation!
Photo courtesy of sillygwailo
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