From the Marry Blogger Archive….originally from March 9, 2009
I grew up doing theatre. Like most boys, I started out in soccer and baseball, but after my first performance (Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs), I was a theatre kid all the way.
(You can tell I’m a true theatre guy because I spell theatre the artsy fartsy way.)
I love theatre.
In my years on stage, I got really good at taking criticism. After every rehearsal, actors get “notes”. The director sits on the edge of the stage and rattles off pages and pages of “notes”. Everyone in the cast sits in the audience and listens to the criticism from the director on how to improve their performance.
At the next rehearsal, you are expected to perform in accordance to the notes you received.
Many times, I saw directors belittle and berate actors in front of other actors. I have seen actors break down in tears because a director would rail on them so harshly. I remember one director yelling from the darkened audience “What the H*%! do you think you are doing?
That’s not great for an actors ego.
Your Marriage: Criticism Factory or Encouragement Central?
I have heard of marriages where one spouse is a constant criticizer. Much like directors – they will fire off notes and criticisms about their spouse without a word of positive encouragement.
It’s not great for a spouses ego.
We get criticism in so many areas of our life, especially work. Then, if we come home to a criticizing spouse – that makes life really difficult.
We have to remember that we are on the same team in our marriage.
Remember our spouse is God’s kid.
Look at them and notice things that they are doing – be it work, chores around the house, or other things…and encourage them.
You Rock!
You’re The Best!
That looks great!
You look Great!
Wow, Thanks for taking out the trash!
Two Steps to Encouraging Your Spouse
1. Observe what is going on around you in your house, your family, and with your mate.
We disengage way too easily, everything is normal, ho-hum-drum and we just take it for granted that nothing is different. Be Present in the Present.
Perhaps you notice 1 positive thing, and focus 100% of your effort there. Bill and Pam Farrel suggest this method in their book “Men Are Like Waffles, Women Are Like Spaghetti“.
Engage life. Be a player, not a spectator.
2. When you notice something new or different, ENCOURAGE!
No, it doesn’t come naturally, or easily. But noticing small things, then speaking up about them is a step in the right direction.
Now it’s Time for You to Take a Turn…
How do you encourage your spouse?
Is it difficult to find something positive to encourage them about? Why is that?
I’d love to hear your story.
Photo by Franco Folini
